”“What do you mean?” Ashley asks inquisitively. “You’re fucking me and she knows about it—big deal. Affairs usual get found out about at s...me point. At least this way, it’s already out in the open.”“It’s not that,” he says, dropping his hand down to the desk.“You wanted to talk,” Ashley says. She feels that joy in her taking a U-turn. “Let’s talk then.” She learns back in the chair and crosses one leg over the other, hands lying on her knee.“Well, there is you,” Anders spurts out.“What about. I didn’t know what to make of that at all.Annika handed me a plastic bag with a sandwich and two apples, plus two bottles of Grappo for my lunch. I bid them goodbye, and they left the train. The Anderssons stood on the platform until we pulled away, waving to me. I waved back and once they were out of sight, pulled out my book. I alternated between reading and watching the scenery go by. I had promised to write Jennifer a letter, so I did that, then wrote one to Stephanie as well. I wrote a. Few do. You have to find the right one.”I don’t want to find the right one. I want her. I don’t even know if I’m lesbian. I know that I don’t particularly like most men. Does that make me a lesbian? I know that I am scared of pussy. Of its sinister power. When I am touched down there in the right way then it changes everything. When my pussy is teased, when its lust is unleashed, it opens a door to another world. It is like a scary drug.My fingers used to be able to. Not anymore. They have. It pressed into the joining of my legs as it tried to rise. I wondered what he was dreaming about, if anything. Was it sexy? Was it about us? We’re monogamous, but we’ve both shared and play-acted fantasies and dreams of course have no moral restrictions at all.Images and memories of past dreams and games played in my head, from silly things like ‘speeder seduces cop’ and ‘quarterback nails cheerleader’ (or vice versa) to elaborate candle and rose petal bath scenarios. From there my thoughts.
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